I have been a Christian for only 15ish years. When I think about that I feel like a baby. For that matter at 42 years (my birthday is on Tuesday) I am told by all the older people at church that I am a baby! Never would I have dreamed at 20 that anyone would say that when I had doubled my years. But we are all babies compared to someone else. Someone who is wiser, who has lived longer, who has experienced more, who has survived much or given up much.
And one of the things God has been kind to me on is learning much in such a short time. Important things that the world may not value, but things I value because they have changed my life and made it the life I should have dreamed of. How many of you can say you are living the life, the one that makes you wish for no other? I can.
It took a change in everything. My perspective, my value system, my maturity, and my relationship with God. I know that if you would have told me that 20 years ago I would have told you to get lost. My dreams were very textbook American and materialistic. But in the last 15 years God has done something in me.
Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
This was not my prayer to start with when God found me. It was a prayer of deliverance, but not for my heart. But I didn't realize that it was something I needed. Felt pretty self righteous about my self and my life. My wants and needs were important, to me. God needed me to live it out some and see what it held for me to be so self focused. Conflict, loneliness, confusion, anxiety, unstable relationships, etc.
It is when I could no longer be faithful to God and faithful to my idea of how things were suppose to go that God had my full attention as to where he wanted me to go. I truly saw Him when he saved my soul, but I did not see Him relationally for who he was until I got to know Him. It would have happened faster if I had not been looking for what I thought he should be, but once you get to know someone who they are will be revealed to you if you give time and energy to it. One day you suddenly realize that something has changed and you suddenly get stuff. Your heart is changing and you are growing to reflect the character of God more as time goes by. In no way do you get perfect. In no way do you stop making human decisions and mess up time to time. But a pure heart is not perfect, it just has pure intentions and leans the right way. That makes you stronger and makes your way smoother in life. There are still just as many bumps in the road, but somehow they just don't feel as bad as they did before.
Matthew 5:8.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
For me I start seeing God's hand in everything, and yet never had to assume that he was calling all the shots. He just knows what is gonna be and sometimes helps things to go the way they are suppose to, to serve a purpose we cannot even imagine. Suddenly your eyes open up to all that follows your heart being for God.
Psalm 33:21
In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Lean not on your own understanding...I didn't get it when I thought I did and now that I realize I don't I think I may be closer than I ever have been. It all falls back to something Jesus said when an 'important' man asked him what the Greatest commandment in God's law was. ( Matthew 22:34-40)
Jesus replied:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
Read it time and time again. Thought I felt it, but as long as I was loving me more than God and others I wasn't getting it. When I realized that everything hinged on this, and this was God's will for me I suddenly realized that this had to be a choice I made. The funny thing is I thought it was going to be about obedience, but it ended up being about a change in heart and realizing that God could put that in me once I opened myself up to it. Now, everything is making sense. And I am loving people for who they are, created in God's image. I realize that we are all imperfect and in need and I am here to serve a greater function than making myself happy. The happiest I have felt is right now. Not because my life is perfect, but because my heart is in the right place. I hope that in this you found encouragement and a way to make your own personal relationship with God deeper.
Well, I will have to write more later. Only 4 days post-surgery and I am tired. Blessed, grateful, thankful, but tired :)
Blessings,
Stephanie
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